Twilight Wacky Shack
by SignedSealedWritten
Summary: Real conversations that my friends and I have had, in the setting of a Twilight Wacky Shack that families send obsessed Twilight readers to.
1. Alice and the bat

**a/n: Gosh, these are going to be fun to write: kind of like a break from the world of Animal Crackers (don't worry, still writing it… more so than ever, actually) but this idea stemmed from a review posted for Animal Crackers by ………. So, kudos to her. She said that if our families placed us in the wacky shack, that she hoped we'd end up in the same one, so that we could talk about Twilight there… which we got sent to the Wacky Shack because of. So, of course, my brain goes 'omg, twilight wacky shack', and this was born. These stories are more or less real conversations that my friends and I have had about Twilight, put into the setting of the 'Twilight Wacky Shack'**

**So, here we go … **

**Story One**

**This story includes Riddler (that's her codename, she doesn't have an account on this site yet, but she is co-writing Twins By Birth Enemies By Blood with me) and I (Blondie). So, here we go. When the two girls talk sometimes they are passing notes using the characters to speak (kind of like an odd little role play).**

Two girls sat side by side in a white walled room, room 239502 in the Twilight Wacky Shack, located in Washington State. There were no windows in this room. About a year ago now, the families of these two teenagers concluded that the girls were crazy from strange and disturbing evidence found in their bedrooms.

The first girl, a teenager named Blondie, had several odd things found … she had drained all of her savings to buy an odd crystal like bracelet, stating to her parents that it didn't matter that she had drained all of her college savings, her fictional boyfriend would bribe all of the colleges with large sums of cash.

This girl was also found to have depleted her families resource of baby powder: she had dumped it all over her, saying that it made her look pale. When asked why she had also dumped glitter on her face, she replied that she looked like Alice. When asked who Alice was, she replied happily, 'a fictional vampire.'

The second girl, named Riddler, had several issues of her own. The two girls had been friends before being sent to the Twilight Wacky Shack, and now they shared the same 'dorm' in the Wacky Shack. This girl was a Jacob-Lover. Her parents decided that this was an odd disease, and Blondie agreed. How could someone love a werewolf more than a vampire?

She also was found to have an obsession with finding every picture/movie/interview/moment that had to do with Steven Straight, who she proclaimed looked like Jacob. She was on a crusade to watch The Covenant when she got sent to the Twilight Wacky Shack.

"Riddler, let's do a Twilight Role Play AIM chat type of thingy." Blondie said.

"Yeah, that'll work, 'cause I totally have a pencil and paper." Riddler said sarcastically. "Dude, they took away all of our personal belongings, telling us that sharp objects like pencils could be used to injure people who tried to take away our Twilight obsession. Duh."

"I just happen to have a pencil in …" she reached behind her.

"Don't want to know where it was, Blondie."

"My pillow! My pillow, its under my pillow! Seesh! I also have a legal pad. So let's get crackin' … Nevermind, I can't find a word that rhymes with crackin'."

"Smackin?"

"That doesn't make sense."

Riddler leaned over and smacked Blondie on the back of the head.

"Hey!"

"Now it does."

"You have problems."

"We _are_ in a wacky shack."

Blondie rolled her eyes and shook her head full of brunette hair and started to write.

_Jacob: So I hear that there is some competition in town._

Riddler took back the notebook from Blondie and continued.

_Riddler: Sweetie, there's been competition for awhile._

_Jacob: What?! Who?_

_Jasper: Am I completion?_

_Riddler: Only if you want to be._

Riddler handed back the notebook to Blondie.

_Alice: Jasper! What in the world are you doing over there? Get back here this instant, Jasper, I mean it!_

_Jasper: Aw, come on , Alice._

_Jacob: My competition is a __**vampire?!**_

_Alice: Jasper!_

_Jasper: Only if I want to be?_

_Alice: I acquired a bat yesterday, Jasper. Titanium._

_Blondie: I suggest that you get your butt home, Jasper. She has a bat. –laughs-_

_Alice: We find this funny because…_

_Blondie: Sorry, Alice. Please don't wallop me with the bat._

_Alice: We'll see. Jasper, however… _

Blondie handed the notebook back to Riddler.

_Riddler: -lolz until faints-_

_Jasper: Seriously though… -thinks- Do I want to be?_

_Alice: Riddler!_

_Riddler: He's a big boy, he can choose who he wants._

_Alice: -whips bat around head- That's it, folks! –looks to Riddler- I kill you! _

_Edward: No! –picks up Alice and places her in a corner, on a chair and holds her down- Nobody is taking Jasper from you, okay? Everything is alright. Please don't kill anybody. Who sold you that bat, anyway?_

_Alice: -sniffles- A Wal-Mart sales person._

_Edward: Well, its going back first thing in the morning._

_Alice: Are you sure nobody is taking Jazz away?_

_Edward: Yes. They were only joking. They are in a wacky shack, after all._

_Riddler and Blondie: Hey!_

_Edward: I just saved your butts, so no attitudes._

_Alice: but can I keep the bat?_

_Edward: We'll see …_

**a/n: And so, that started the legend of Alice and her Titanium bat… yes, this conversation seriously happened on AIM between my friend Riddler and I. **


	2. A James Sandwich

**a/n: Well, the last chapter was so absoloutly fun to write, it was hysterical … mostly because it actually happened. Well, not the Wacky Shack part, but if it continues this way … I'll let you know if I'm writing from a white-walled room. (currently, the walls are purple)**

**Story Two**

**This story includes Agni (yes, the one that the Alaska chapter was dedicated to in Animal Crackers). This story is called 'Honors English for the Twilight Insane'**

Two girls sat in the English class provided for the Twilight Insane in the Twilight Wacky Shack. Like the two girls before, these two girls were also friends before the Twilight Wacky Shack.

One of the girls was our returning friend from our last story, Blondie. She sat to the left of a girl named Agni. She was the first one of the three girls to read Twilight. She was more obsessed with Jasper than Alice, although Blondie was sure that one meeting of Alice and her Titanium bat would cure Agni of this issue. She frequently made references to Twilight in everyday life, such as the fact that sometimes, a teacher would talk about Jazz music, or the introduction thereof into the world. She would have to try not to break into hysterical laughter during these periods, and would satisfy herself by circling the word 'Jazz' in the handout wherever it appeared.

Their English teacher, Mr. Pimple (a/n: don't ask), was talking about their vocab words for the week. One of the words was blasphemy. Immediately, both girls broke out into hysterical laughter. The teacher, now used to the insane type, did not say a word as the girls continue to laugh until they were blue in the face.

The girls stopped laughing long enough to eat some of their lunch, which was being ate in class today, due to the fact that Agni did not have a lunch period and Blondie was lazy and forgot to make a lunch so was eating at this time. They both had chicken sandwiches.

"Is James tasty?" Blondie said to Agni.

"Very. I like my James with cheese, just like Rob does."

"I like it with bacon."

"Excuse me," Mr. Pimple said, finally intrigued. "But are you talking about being a cannibal?"

"Umm…"

"Very good! You've brought up a new lesson point! In the book Lord of the Flies …" the teacher droned on as the girls continued to eat their James sandwiches.

**a/n: Pretty much a real topic of discussion, minus the teacher happening to think we were cannibals, but it could have very easily happened. This conversation happened because of the picture where the guy playing James says that they melted cheese on his neck when they ran out of chicken, so that **

**Robert Pattinson could bite his neck … which immediately reminded me of training a dog, but anyway, that's how chicken sandwiches came to be called James sandwiches in the Twilight Wacky Shack.**


	3. Jacob Black's guts

Author's Note: Now, this is a pretty special one, I'd say… this one is again between Agni and Blondie, and is probably the first real wacky shack conversation to take place

**Author's Note: Now, this is a pretty special one, I'd say… this one is again between Agni and Blondie, and is probably the first real wacky shack conversation to take place.**

**Twilight Wacky Shack**

**Chapter Three: Jacob Black's Guts**

It was a sunny morning, not a day for vampires, but Blondie and Agni did not care. They could not go outside anyway, due to being locked up in a wacky shack.

Being Saturday, the Wacky Shack residents had more freedom then they would normally have, leaving them in great spirits. There were no classes today, so Agni and Blondie sat in solitude at one of the tables in the café.

"I hate Jacob Black." Blondie announced suddenly, picking at a piece of tofu.

"I hate tofu." Agni said in response.

"You can't hate tofu!" Blondie said, annoyed. "Tofu is Jasper."

"Tofu doesn't taste like anything. And its gross."

"Well, I still hate Jacob."

"And I still hate tofu!"

"Well, we aren't getting anywhere with this discussion, are we?"

"No, not really."

"You know what would be funny?"

"If we threw tofu off of a cliff?"

"Well … yes, actually … but funnier if we threw Jacob Black off of a cliff!"

"It would be even funnier if it was off of the empire state building! If pennies can injure people, imagine what a _werewolf_ could do!"

"He'd be all _ker-splat_!"

"Yeah, and his guts would be all… brown."

"Ew! Wouldn't they be red?"

"It's far up, so we can't see the color clearly."

"Oh. Well, in that case, we can send Edward down to eat his guts. Mm, tastes like chicken."

"I dont think ... no, wait, nevermind."

"Agni, tell me!"

"I dont know ..."

"Please?"

"Fine. I was about to say that I didnt think Edward would want any one of Jacob's organs near his mouth."

"Wow, Agni, wow."

**a/n: Yup, pretty much actually happened. Although a few of those sentences were from other conversations, but yes, this **_**did**_** happen, people. Jasper is tofu, and James is chicken. –grins-**


	4. Carlisle's Group

Twilight Wacky Shack

**Twilight Wacky Shack**

**Author's Note: **

**This one includes Agni, Riddler, and Blondie. It's a real special diddy. It also stars the reappearance of Mr. Pimple. As always, this actually happened. You can let me know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.**

**This chapter also includes Dawn… who in real life, is a guy. Legacyofthedawn on here. Go check him out, he is under my favorite authors.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight Tuesdays.**

Agni and Blondie sat side by side in English, a Tuesday in the Twilight Wacky Shack. In case anybody wondered why there were classes in an asylum … don't ask. Go ask Alice. Maybe she can tell you.

"Vocab day!" Blondie said, estatic.

"Also Twilight Tuesday!"

"Hey, um … Agni, whats with your notebook?"

"Riddler had a silver sharpie in Spanish class. So I wrote Twilight quotes all over my math notebook."

"Riddler is a stupid, shiny, sharpie owner."

"And a werewolf lover."

"Yeah, that too." Blondie laughed. "Hey, did she tell you …"

"That the two of you are turning into werewolves? Yeah." Agni said. Both Blondie and Riddler were feeling sick, as if every room was too hot and they had stomach aches, giving them the conclusion that they were turning into werewolves, which pleased them considerably.

"Okay," Mr. Pimple said. "The first word today is neutral."

Blondie bit her lip, shaking her head slowly, barely able to look at Agni, who was scribbling quickly next to the definition that Mr. Pimple had given them. The word 'Switzerland' was now next to it, in parenthesis.

Blondie did the same.

In the time that they had wasted being obsessive, Mr. Pimple had moved on to a ramble about politics. The girl behind Blondie, was five foot three and had dark hair. Her name was Dawn. She was having this discussion with Mr. Pimple.

"…and," Mr. Pimple said, 'they were all involved in Carlisle's group."

With beat red faces, neither girl could breath, nor look at each other. After moments of this, holding their breath and receiving weird looks, Agni finally said, "I'm okay now."

"… _he_ was also involved in Carlisle's group."

Agni burst into laughter again."

"Girls, are you okay?" Mr. Pimple asked. "Do I need to call in the Doctor?"

"Yes!" Agni said between gasps. "Give me Dr. Jazz!"

"If an apple a day keeps the Doctor away, I'm eating oranges." Blondie said. "Just not the vampire orange."

"Okay, we're good now." Agni said, finally composed.

"Carlisle's group …" the teacher started again.

This time, all hope was lost.

"Our next word is estoric, meaning something few others would understand." Mr. Pimple began, shooting weird looks to the two uncontrollable students.

This time, with a straight face, Blondie looked to Riddler. "So, like half of what we say?"

And _then_ they laughed.

**Author's Note:**

**Yes, the vampire orange is another story in itself… and with any luck, it **_**will**_** be one soon. **


	5. Sneaking Out

**Twilight Wacky Shack**

**Author's Note: This one didn't actually happen, but a few of the lines did. This one is necessary for something that will actually happen later tonight – a Twilight Discussion group. So they kind of need to break out to get there. Includes Agni, Blondie, and Riddler. Hey, in a review, tell me which your favorite is – favorite story and character. And check out the poll for my other story on my page.**

Wednesday night.

Late night.

The halls of the Twilight Wacky Shack, although white, are dark. No light falls from one of the few windows in the place.

Three girls crept soundlessly through the hallways. First, crouching forward with one finger pressed to her lips for silence, was Agni. She beckoned the other two girls, waiting behind a corner.

Riddler crept forward, a bright smile on her lips. This moment was too funny to not laugh, but alas, laughing would break the silence, and someone – maybe Mr. Pimple – would catch them.

Blondie lept forward next. She tripped, and down she went, spilling a red powerade – that she had somehow managed to get without anyone noticing – all over the floor. Tears streaming from her face from holding in her laughter, she met up with the other two, as they crept down to the exit door.

Tonight was a very special night.

It was nobody's birthday. Happy Birthday nobody.

It was not anyone's anniversary.

There was no late night movie playing.

Tonight, Agni, Riddler, and Blondie were sneaking out, to join a discussion group downtown at a bookstore – a discussion group on Twilight. This was strictly forbidden, but the girls did not care. Hadn't they already gotten into enough trouble to care?

Riddler pushed open the door.

Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

"Bananas!" A security guard yelled somewhere.

The girls froze.

"Is he asleep?"

"Mommy." The man said again. "I want my banana peanut butter sandwich!"

"For his sake, I hope so." Blondie said as they sneaked out of the place, careful not to let the door creek again, closing it ever so lightly behind them.

Just before it was closed, Agni peaked her head back in, and in response to the man's shout of bananas, shouted back "Apples!"

The girls burst into laughter as they ran down the street, towards freedom ….

**Author's Note:**

**The second part of this story will happen after we find out what demented stuff we can pull tonight … at least we didn't actually have to sneak out, right? –nods-**


	6. Hello Central, Give me Dr Jazz

Twilight Wacky Shack

**Twilight Wacky Shack**

…

**Author's Note:**

**This story is going to take place as if this is what the girls were thinking about when they were running. Sorry I've kept all of you (how many of you **_**are**_** there? Show yourselves!)**

**This one includes Agni, Blondie, and Riddler, and also is starring Alice and her titanium bat. Agni, Riddler, Alice wants you to know that she sympathizes with us for being in a wacky shack, and she sends out her love.**

**Okay, creeeeepy. Anyway, here we go …**

The cold air whipped through their hair and stung their faces as they ran, helter skelter, for the bookshop where the Twilight discussion would take place. All three of them were laughing uncontrollably, and started to run with their arms outstretched as if they were flying. Blondie frequently tripped and fell on her face.

"Hey, you're like our real life Bella." Riddler said between spasms of giggles.

"There's a fictional Bella, and then, there's you."

"Oh, gee, thanks _so_ much."

"You're very welcome." Agni said, then proceeded to fall on _her_ face.

Blondie just shook her head and sighed, and then the girls kept on running. "Hey, Riddler," Blondie said, starting to skip instead of run. She fell down again, and then stood back up and kept on skipping. "Have we ever told you the story of the _lunch lady_?"

"Should I be scared?"

"Slightly," Agni said. "It _was_ a very talented moment. It was doomed for infamy from the start."

"You have true issues, Agni." Riddler said.

"Hey, it was real life Bella's fault. She said the dumbo phrase, not I."

"Talented sentence."

"At least I can speak!"

"Okay!" Blondie said, shouting. "Enough! On with the spooky lunch lady story…"

"Yes, on with the lunch lady story."

"_It was a dark day…"_ Blondie began.

"Dufus, we couldn't even see outside! You're ruining the entire thing! _This_ is how the story went…

"It was a blank day at the Twilight Wacky Shack café. Blondie and I were standing on line for food, before Mr. Pimple's class. Blondie wanted raisons. I wanted raisons."

"We all scream for raisons!" Riddler said, laughing hysterically.

"Go home!" Blondie shouted. "You weren't even there."

"I don't want to go home! They have scary white coated people there."

"Haha, white coats."

A booming voice came from nowhere, overhead. **"Would you get on with the story? These people reading this are wasting their time. This isn't a Maximum Ride story. This is a Twilight story. Now, hurry on, before I call the authorities."**

"If you know that we're not supposed to be here, why haven't you called the authorities already?" Riddler asked, perplexed.

There was a munching sound on the other end of whatever type of loudspeaker that it was. **"Because I have salty popcorn, and a blankie. And this sounds like a good story. Who does it include?"**

"Well, I don't know why I'm talking to strangers, because my mommy told me not to," Blondie said, "But it includes everyone but Emmett." She pressed a finger to her lips, telling the others not to say that it doesn't include anyone but Alice and Jasper.

"**Aw, why not! I want to be … I mean… everything is better with Emmett, no?"**

"Emmett, you have problems! Go dance to the song Buttons with Rosalie." Blondie shouted back at the sky.

A higher, more feminine voice could be heard. _**"I do **_**not**_** dance to buttons!"**_

"Okay, could we like, drop that? It's … creepy."

"**Fine. Then get on with the story, fair ladies."**

"**Emmett!"**

"**Just get on with it! You've wasted three pages!"**

"Yes. We were waiting on line for food, and it was the day after Riddler and Blondie had come up with the story about Alice and her titanium bat. I'd never heard this story, so Blondie said that she would tell me." Agni explained, in a spooky voice. The girls continued to run as they spoke. It was a freakishly long way to the nearest town.

"She said that it was about Alice, and her titanium bat. She said that one day, Alice was jealous of Riddler and her boy-stealing ways. So Alice decided to hunt down Riddler and Jasper, and beat them with this bat, which she acquired at Wal-Mart. She started to say that Jasper refused to come back home, which resulted in … Now,at this point in the story, one of the lunch ladies came out and opened the door to the lunch room, just as Blondie said 'a small beating'."

"Omc, didn't the lunch lady freak out?"

"Yes! She did!" Blondie said. "I had to repeat a fictional beating, a fictional beating! Before the lunch lady put down the walkie talkie to phone Dr. Jazz."

"**Right here!" **Jasper's voice was on the ghost loudspeaker now. **"I've got just what you need, I'll say I do, and when the world goes wrong (which it often does, what with Bella here and all-)"**

"**Jasper!" **Bella's voice shouted over the loudspeaker, but Jasper continued to sing his own version of Dr. Jazz.

"**And we've all got the blues… I change everyone's emotions! Woot! The more Alice gets the more she wants it seems and then she pages old Dr. Jazz in all her… visions, oh yes. When I'm trouble, bound and mixed, I'm the guy who gets you fixed. Hello central give me Dr. Jazz OOOOOOO YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!"**

"Omc, I think I piddled."

**Author's Note:**

**I just might have to dedicate this to my brother, who willingly just sang Dr. Jazz so I could work that out.**


	7. Twilightaholics Anonymous

**Twilight Wacky Shack**

**Author's Note: I got a review, and it sparked me to complete this next chapter. For any of you who don't know, there IS a youtube video on this! Type in Agni Riddler Blondie and it'll come up! Go watch, it was fun to make.**

Three crazy looking girls crashed into Barnes and Noble, receiving perplexed stares from the crowd that was innocently browsing. That was when Agni noticed that they were still dressed up in Wacky Shack clothing!

Agni smiled. "We're in costume today." She explained. They didn't seem that sure, but most of the people nodded and continued browsing book selections. Agni giggled.

"Come on!" Blondie said, pulling them towards the escalator.

"No, not the escalator." Riddler said, shaking her head vigorously. "Those things give me the creeps."

"Well," Blondie said, trying to be patient, "There are no stairs. So we're going to the elevator."

"Ugh," Agni said, shivering. "We're all gonna crash and die."

"We're not gonna crash and die. There's no stairs. What do you want to do, _fly_ up there?"

Agni nodded. "That would be preferable."

"Sorry," Blondie said, "I suddenly lost my ability to _sprout wings_." She rolled her eyes. "We're taking the elevator." She dragged her two protesting friends towards the metal contraption.

"Wait!" Agni said impatiently, digging her bamboo flip flop clad feet into the carpet. "I want to go find the nice people with the lattes."

"We'll find the nice people with the lattes later, Agni. We need to find the nice people with the book discussion first."

Agni made a noise that sounded something like a cross between a butterfly sneezing and an elephant dancing, but got in the elevator anyway. The door closed and Riddler pressed 'floor two'.

Almost immediately, Riddler started jumping up and down, as forcefully as she could.

"Riddler!" Blondie said, reaching over to try to slap her friend, but she just hopped around the perimeter of the elevator.

Agni got down on the floor, into the safety elevator crash position. "We're all gonna diiiiieee." She complained. "And when we step into heaven, I'm gonna say, 'I told you so'."

"Agni, stop playing swiffer with the floor, _please_." Blondie said, as the elevator dinged onto the second floor and they all stepped out, Riddler and Blondie helping out Agni, who crawled out of the elevator and kissed the floor like they'd landed after being stranded on a ship at sea.

"Now, where do we go?"

The girls stared around, until the magnetic force that exists between all Twilighters and should be a discovered scientifical force, dragged them to the place where the Twilight Discussion group was meeting.

There were nice, big, comfy chairs, but Agni wasn't fast enough and got stuck on a hard wooden chair.

There had to be a gazillion people in the group. Particularly, Blondie, Agni, and Riddler noticed a few people: there was a girl with short red hair with a name tag that said 'Leggo' on it, settling herself into one of the comfy chairs. She waved at the people who passed her. Some people got scared and ran away, but not the TWS girls. They went right over and sat down next to her.

There were a few other girls as well – a girl drawing anime figures with a nametag that said Saph, another girl with curly dark hair fighting her friend for her phone, and a few other girls.

"Hi, I'm Leggo." Said Leggo. "My parents have a twisted sense of humor and named me after a childrens toy. My younger brother is called PlayDough." The girls tried to suppress laughter at the name. "I bet the three of you have nice, normal names." She said, wistfully. "Like Betty. Or Suzanne."

"I'm Agni." Said Agni.

"I'm Blondie." Said Blondie.

"I'm Bobatha." Said Riddler.

"Bobatha?" leggo asked, choosing out of all the names the one that sounded most normal to question.

"Fine, Fine." Riddler said. "I'm Riddler."

"Like from batman?"

"No, like from Harry Potter."

Blondie sighed. "Don't get her into it."

"And you're not blonde!" Leggo complained. "Gee, I thought my parents were head cases."

"Most parents are head cases." Blondie confirmed, grinning as the lady who was leading the discussion came over and sat down.

"So, you're all here for the Twilight and New Moon discussion?"

Nods, shouts of glee, and grins of approval filled the room.

"Well, I have a few personal questions to start off with." She said.

"Oh, here we go." Riddler said, rolling her dark eyes.

"Alright, we'll go around and announce our names, and one thing about ourselves, so we can all know each other." She was starting to sound like a kindergarten teacher.

"I'm Saph." The girl drawing anime said. "I draw things."

"Hi Saph who draws things!" The crowd said.

"I'm Leggo." Said Leggo. "I read things."

"Hi Leggo who reads things!"

"This is starting to sound like TA." Agni whispered.

"TA?" Riddler asked.

"Twilightaholics anonymous."

Blondie snorted a giggle and managed to choke.

"I'm Agni." Said Agni. "I read things quickly."

"Hi Agni who reads things quickly!"

"I'm Riddler." Said Riddler. "I riddle things."

"Hi Riddler who riddles things!"

"I'm Blondie." Said Blondie. "I trip over things."

"Hi Blondie who trips over things!"

"I'm Hollo." Said the girl with curly dark hair. "I like pancakes."

"Hi Hollo who likes pancakes!"

"Okay, now that we're done with the introductions, lets get onto the discussion. Does anybody have any opening points or would you like me to start with one?"

Nobody spoke.

"alright, since we seem to all have lost our voices at the same time, I'll start with a question – if you could have one power from the twilight books, which power would it be?"

Most people had to think, but not Blondie. "I would want Alice's power. No. Wait! I would want to _be_ Alice. I wouldn't care about the horrible past or anything. I just want to be her."

The crowd laughed. "Well," the leader said, "then you'd get to have Jasper as well."

Blondie jumped and shook her head quickly. "Oh, no. Agni would kill me."

Agni nodded in approval.

"I think I know what power my friend would want." Agni said, since everyone's eyes were on her anyway. "Riddler would want Jane's power. She likes to injure people with her mind."

Riddler gave Agni a dirty look, and then cracked up in hysterics.

"Okay," the leader said, "moving on to New Moon for a minute – what did you guys think of Bella's reaction to Edward's leaving?"

There were protests from around the room – several people saying things like 'bella should be a stronger female example to the world' and other's saying 'well, she _did _lose an entire family, not just one person' and others still saying that bella needed to get a life.

Others said that she was a very truthful human example of what someone would really do if they lost someone like Bella did.

The leader of the discussion made a comment as to if Bella had more regular friends, perhaps she wouldn't have gone through a rough of a time as she did.

The group went on for what seemed like minutes – but was more like two hours. All good things have to come to an end, though, and eventually, the discussion was done.

Agni, Riddler, and Blondie bid farewell to their new friends and returned downstairs – this time, nobody hopped on the elevator. They were all in a very solemn mood at having to go back to the wacky shack.

They decided to look at different books before they left, in an attempt to lighten the mood. Nothing seemed to do the trick, until Agni remembered one very important subject matter that seemed to have been forgotten in the time being.

"Latte!" She said like a wild child looking for a toy. "Need! Going to get!"

"Wow, speak much?" Blondie asked.

Riddler sighed. "She gets like this when she doesn't get lattes."

"Okay, Agni," Blondie said like she was speaking to a child. "You can go find the nice people with the lattes, and Riddler and I are going to go look at some books, okay?"

Agni gave Blondie a bitter look, but skipped off to find her latte.

**Authors Note: Seems like an odd place to cut it off, right? Wrong. The next chapter starts off from there – and its written not be me (Blondie) but by Agni, the real life Agni, not the one in the story. Someday we hope to get one in here by Riddler as well, and maybe even some of the other characters mentioned above – they're all real people, yes. **


	8. Target

Author's Note: This one is written by Agni!

* * *

The day was bright and cheerful, reflecting the giddy mood of one relatively normal blond fifteen year old. This day in particular was a very special day, though the girl in question did not yet know it.

Said girl, who goes by the alias of Agni, was in a very good mood today. Why, might you ask, is Agni in a good mood?

Well, I'll tell you. Be patient.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and last (and most importantly) she was free!

For the moment, anyway. Yes, Agni had successfully eluded the guards at the Wacky Shack for the Clinically Obsessed and Insane Rabid Twilight Fans. Also known as the Twilight Wacky Shack, for short. She and her two friends, Blondie and Riddler, had managed to escape the ever-watchful eyes of the Ridiculously Over-Armed Guards Who Slept A Lot and made a mad dash for the local Barnes and Nobles which was hosting a book discussion for none other than Twilight, itself.

That had been a very important event for the three girls. Once the discussion had ended, Agni had abruptly announced her overwhelming desire to find the "nice people with the lattes" and proceeded towards the coffee counter with a swiftness only seen in the hungriest of beasts hunting down their prey.

Once Agni had successfully purchased a delicious, piping hot latte, she began to roam the bookstore at a slow pace, enjoying the precious moments of freedom they had gained (at the expanse of one horribly confused Ridiculously Over-Armed Guard Who Slept A Lot or, rather _the _Ridiculously Over-Armed Guard Who Slept A Lot – and Dreamt Of Banana Sandwiches). While distracted, as she so easily was, Agni was not paying attention to where she was walking.

And, of course – she walked into something. That something let out a feral-sounding _hisssss_. It was then that Agni realized it was not a some_thing_ she had walked

into, but a some_one. _

_Hisss,_ it hissed; attempting to be threatening and failing miserably. Agni cocked an eyebrow questioningly.

"Can I help you?" Agni asked, bouncing up and down due to the effects of her latte now kicking in.

The Creepy No Named Someone attempted to growl convincingly and failed. "I'm a vampire!" they hissed.

Agni laughed loudly.

The Creepy No Named Someone Who Thought They Were A Vampire tried to growl again. And – no surprise here, failed. Dismally.

"Really, I am." They spoke in a raspy voice that Agni guessed they were trying to make sound vampiric-ish. They failed. (Am I sensing a pattern?)

Agni just laughed again, louder this time.

"Of course you are." She assured the Creepy No Named Someone Who Thought They Were A Vampire – And Failed. She gave the CNNSWTTWAVAF a curious look. "Do you sparkle?"

The CNNSWTTWAVAF looked truly appalled, and Agni absently wondered how many times they had gone through this. The look seemed well-rehearsed. Or maybe they were really just that deluded.

CNNSWTTWAVAF tried hissing again. Agni hissed back, more convincingly might I add.

"Of _course _I _sparkle_!" it all but howled. "What _kind _of vampire do you take me for?!"

Agni took a measured step backwards, saving her still-miraculously piping hot latte from a horrible, gruesome eternity spent as a coffee stain on the floor of a bookstore. She watched the CNNSWTTWAVAF with interest.

"Did you hear me? _Helloooo?!" _

Agni was brought back to the present by the sound of a raspy, wheezing voice that was quickly getting on her nerves. But she was drinking a latte, and lattes had a natural source of Caffeine which, for some odd reason she wasn't sure of, lent her a deep, deep well of patience.

At least, she liked to think so.

Anyway, the CNNSWTTWAVAF was growling again, and Agni was quickly becoming bored with the terrible sound. She would relate it to nails on a chalkboard, but that would be an insult to the nails _and _the chalkboard. So she'll just call it horrendous and cringe-worthy.

"Yes, yes, I heard you," Agni told the thing – if only to get it to stop screeching like a banshee. "You were telling the world the story of your vampiric childhood. That you were super fast and strong and could read minds – hey, that sounds suspiciously like a vampire I know, are you sure you aren't confused?"

The Thing hissed again, not seeming to realize how bad the sound effect really was. Maybe it was tone deaf. Agni felt the overwhelming need to ask, but contained herself, thinking of her precious latte and how she would rather be drinking it than licking it off the floor of Barnes and Nobles. Not that she would actually lick it off the floor, of course. She wasn't _that_ insane. Right?

"I'm not confused! I know the vampire you're talking about! I met Edward Cullen the other day! I was in Forks yesterday for a bingo game and I decided to drop by and see the others of my kind."

The best thing to do in situations such as these was to just smile and nod. So that's what Agni did. Plus, this was just too amusing to pass up. She sipped her latte contently, wonderingly idly why the CNNSWTTWAVAF needed to be in Forks for a bingo game, but wisely decided to keep the question to herself.

"So," she asked, drawing out the sound. "How was Edward?" Agni had to try very hard to contain her laughter.

"He was amazing, of course!" the Thing then went on to describe Edward in detail. Detail that sounded suspiciously familiar; in fact, Agni was certain she could flip open her copy of Twilight to page eighteen and find it word for word. She made a mental note to do just that once this odd encounter was over and done with.

Another shrill, grating voice called over the mass of voices, and the Thing's head snapped towards the sound. After a moment, the Thing turned back to the blond with the latte, and spoke quickly. "I have to go now! That was my mom! She's a vampire too!"

Agni was shaking with laughter as the Thing fled as fast as its little "vampire" feet would carry it.

Laughing loudly Agni made her way to the elevator, and hit the button for floor one, glad that Riddler was not with her at this particular time – she did _not _need a repeat of before, thanks very much. It dinged and she stepped inside. She noted vaguely that the interior looked slightly different from the one she had seen earlier. When it dinged again, signaling a top, Agni stepped out and headed towards the door, still sipping at her latte.

She pushed open the door and merely walked, not paying much attention to what she was doing. When she finally stopped, she looked around and found herself at the entrance to a Target. This was disorienting for her, considering the last time she checked, Target and Barnes and Nobles were rather far away from one another.

Dismissing it, along with the fact that she had most likely left Blondie and Riddler back in Barnes and Nobles, she walked through the door, praying her two companions didn't have a run in with the Thing.

Immediately drawn to the books section, Agni made her way to the young adults section and looked over the shelves quickly, merely browsing.

What she found, however, was very out of the ordinary. And Agni had to blink quite a few times before realizing it was, indeed, there.

There, on the top shelf, next to New Moon and Twilight, was the Special Edition of Eclipse. Hesitantly, she reached out to touch the cover, praying it wouldn't disappear if she touched it. Once she was positive it was real, she quickly snatched it from the shelf and hugged it to her chest tightly – while somehow managing to hold onto her latte.

With a speed that could only be defined as Freakishly Scary and Freakishly Scary reflexes that allowed her to hold onto the precious book, and her delicious latte while whipping out her phone, Agni whipped out her phone. She texted both Riddler and Blondie quickly and in a daze.

Her message was something along the lines of: OMC GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND? THE SPECIAL EDITION ECLISPSE. YESSSSS! –cheerdanceshoutcryforjoy-

She then proceeded to dance around, in the book isle of target, for a good two minutes in joy. She got odd looks from a mother passing by with a child, but she ignored them, and continued her little worship dance.

Once she was done dancing in worship to the Target-people, Agni swiftly made her way to the counter – but not before the temptation overwhelmed her and she allowed herself a quick, sneak-peek at the Breaking Dawn cover. Squeeing in awe, she quickly snapped the book shut, to avoid further tempting fate and ran to the checkout counter.

She gently placed the book down on the counter, not wanting to part with it, least fate decided to be cruel and snatch it away. The checkout-lady gave her an odd look, but said nothing and rang the book up. Agni was bouncing up and down in excitement and it was all she could do to keep from screaming. _She had found the special edition of Eclipse! A week early! _

The counter-lady gave her a weird look, holding the book in her hand carelessly. Agni wanted to snatch it from the woman and never let it go again.

"Excuse me? Miss?" counter-lady was trying to get Agni's attention.

"Yes?" she answered.

"Uhm, it says this can't be sold until the thirty-first." _NOOOooooooooo. _

"But…it was on the shelf." Agni explained helplessly.

"It was?" the counter-lady/spawn-of-demons looked confused. "It's not supposed to be out yet. Someone must have restocked the shelves and put it there by mistake." Agni wondered why the Spawn Of Demons was blabbering on about restocking shelves when all she wanted was her book.

"Oh," Agni replied nonchalantly. "Well…" she trailed off meaningfully.

"I'm sorry," Spawn Of Demons told her, hanging up the phone she was just on. Agni assumed it was the manager. "But, we can't sell this to you."

Agni was sure she felt something inside her break. "What?" she mumbled.

"I said, we're not allowed to sell this until the thirty first." Spawn Of Demons repeated, annoyed.

"WHAT?!" Agni growled, launching herself into the counter in fury. The Spawn Of Demons jumped back, frightened and still holding the prize.

Agni swiped and clawed at the air in an attempt to free the book from its horrible prison. It needed to go home with her! Now!

The Spawn Of Demons looked at Agni's snarling face and blanched. "I-uhm I'm s-sorr-ry." She stammered, still clutching the Eclipse Special Edition. She backed away quickly and yelled for help, taking off at a run.

Agni growled and clawed her way over the counter, stepping carelessly on the cash register in her haste to get her book back. The Spawn Of Demons was twenty feet away, cowering safely behind the counter three isles down. Agni made it over the counter and was airborne for a thrilling half a second before being tackled mercilessly to the ground by a group of Very Irritating Security Guards With Horrible Timing. They quickly immobilized Agni with a very familiar white jacket and dragged her unceremoniously out the nearest exit.

Outside the Store-From-Hell sitting innocently in the parking lot, in the still, deceitfully cheery air was a big, intimidating white truck. The logo on the side was easy to read; she would know it anywhere.

The Wacky Shack For The Clinically Obsessed And Insane Rabid Twilight Fans.

Agni was thrown into the back of the truck with little care, and snapped at the Very Irritating Security Guards With Horrible Timing, grinning wickedly when they fled in horror after dropping her like a hot potato.

"What happened to you?" a voice called.

Agni looked up. Blondie and Riddler sat two feet from where she was laying. Agni grumbled, shaking her head. "It's a long, terrible story."

Riddler looked intrigued. "We have time." She answered calmly.

Agni sighed. "Once upon a time, on a deceitfully sunny afternoon, three girls walked into a Barnes and Nobles…."


	9. Lattes, Sugar, and Fleas, OH MY!

**Author's Note: This one takes place at Barnes and Noble, to which the TWS girls have once again escaped to. :D Agni wrote this one as well. **

* * *

Agni and Blondie were sitting at one of the unoccupied tables in the Starbucks café in Barnes and Nobles. The blond girl looked up from sipping her drink.

"I have a spiced pumpkin latte, Blondie. It's quite epic." She felt the need to point out the obvious. The not-so-aptly named dark-haired Blondie shook her head with an exasperated roll of the eyes.

"You and your lattes, Agni, really."

Agni looked mildly affronted. "Lattes, my dear friend, are my lifeblood." She explained this slowly and evenly, as if she was used to telling people this oh-so-obvious fact of life.

"So, what does that make you?" Blondie wanted to know.

Agni grinned behind her cup. "Why, a latte vampire, of course."

"And I'm a …sugar vampire!" The other girl exclaimed, nearly vaulting out of her chair.

Agni snickered, and then cocked her head thoughtfully.

"And Riddler…"

The two girls looked at one another for a moment in confusion. Finally, Agni deadpanned:

"Riddler has fleas."

"Riddler has FLEAS!" Blondie shouted, red-faced and shaking with laughter. This time, she did fall out of her chair.

"Falvia is dead!" Agni exclaimed suddenly, pointing at Blondie.

"Falvia?" Blondie mumbled, playing along.

"Is now a vampire!" The other girl dramatically spread her arms.

Which only succeeded in making her laugh harder. One of the patrons nearby glared sharply at the two laughing girls and scoffed loudly. He left quickly. A few more people in the nearby area also decided it was pointless to stick around with all the noise and soon the place was deserted but for the two of them.

The two friends grinned at one another.

"LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!" Agni whooped, beaming at the fact that they'd been obnoxious enough to clear the room. Ah, sweet success.

"Yeah," Blondie agreed. "I wonder where Riddler got off to?"

Agni turned around to observe the store. "Hmm, let's go find her. I think I know."

Agni stood up and waited for the other girl to collect herself from the floor. She led the way to the entrance of the store and strolled outside. Once she was two steps from the doorway, she turned and looked back against the wall. Leaning against said wall, with her arms crossed over her chest, was Riddler.

Agni grinned. "Found her, Blondie!" she called out.

Blondie peeked out the door before stepping out and letting it close. She waved spastically.

"Riddler! Guess what? You have _FLEAS!_"

Riddler glared sharply. "I _WHAT?_"

"You have fleas," Agni explained patiently. "We were discussing this inside with the coffee. Speaking of which, you happened to be MIA for the duration of that particular conversation. Riddle me that one, Riddler."

Suddenly, the man who was irritated by the earlier antics of Blondie and Agni drove by in his car. He made a point to yell out of his open window angrily at them as he passed by.

"STUPID, OBNOXIOUS _KIDS_!"

Riddler leveled her two friends with a pointed look.

"You know you love us!" Agni grinned, waving a hand flippantly. Blondie was still laughing at the car.


	10. Insane Text Convos

**Author's Note: This ones by agni and blondie. Its an actual conversation over text messages, and we're letting you enjoy it. **

Insane Text Convos with Blondie

_Blondie: _Whee. Some moron knocked out the glass of our storm door. A week ago. So we're putting mesh on it. But we got to jump through it before.

_Agni: _How the hell did they manage that? And haha, that's fun!

_Blondie: _We think…with a bat! –dies-

_Agni: _Hahaha! That's _priceless!_

_Blondie: _I must have done something to tick off Alice. And jumping through the door with heavy bags was fun.

_Agni: _Maybe because you injured her and Jazz in your rp? And hahaha, that's an interesting mental image.

_Blondie: _Oma. She is. Sorry Alice! Please don't kill me!

_Alice: _Expect me in your living room at midnight. Bring the keys to a nice shiny car and I may just let you off the hook.

_Blondie: _I just died. I don't _have _a shiny new car, Alice! Will a Toyota highlander work?

_Alice: _-grumble- is that the _only _thing you have to offer? What about the neighbors? Any shiny new cars in _their _driveways? A little grand theft auto never hurt anyone.

_Blondie: _Are you sure you don't just want the _neighbors?_ I won't tell anybody. I'll keep you in my basement until your eyes turn back.

_Alice: _You know, that's a tempting offer. Perhaps Jazz and I could stop by for a midnight snack…

_Blondie: _My brother's tasty. We wouldn't have to tell Carlisle. Or Esme. And if my friend Agni could stop by, I'm sure she'd be thrilled. Though you can't eat her. Maybe Jazz. But we kind of need her. She's playing you in our movie.

_Alice: _I was just going to ask if that crazy friend of yours was going to be there. …wait a minute. _She's _the one who's going to be masquerading around as me? Isn't she the one who wants my Jazz all to herself? –pause- well, I guess it's fitting that she'd be playing me then. So long as she isn't let anywhere near _my _Jasper, for her own safety and my sanity. Or what's left of it.

_Blondie: _Very fitting. And for the tws girls, crazy doesn't cover it, Alice. In face, I don't know if there is a word that _does_ cover it.

_Alice: _Hmm, perhaps Edward has a thick thesaurus laying around…I'm sure we could find an adequate word in there.

_Blondie:_ Now that we know _that's _what he did with his free time, I'm sure he _does _have one. How about psycho? Though I'm not sure that does it either. Insane. Or nuts.

_Alice: _Yeah, such a waste of valuable time if you ask me. All that time he wasted reading his musty old books when he could have been out _shopping! _And perhaps 'mentally unstable' or 'clinically insane' would work?

_Blondie: _I'm pretty sure the two of you weren't -cough- _shopping. _Correct me if I'm wrong. And if more shopping had occurred, Breaking Dawn wouldn't have happened. And since we're basically classified as insane, I'm sure both of those would work.

_Alice:_ But _of course _we were shopping! …there just weren't any clothes involved. –cough- I can't believe I never got to shop with Bella yet! Has Edward told you why he's so adamant about not letting me take her shopping? I've shopped _for_ her, but that isn't the same! –pout- and I knew we'd find some words!

_Blondie:_ Let's hope it's not the same kind of shopping you do with Jazz. And if it is, I can' see why Edward wouldn't like her to go. And I didn't know there were stores where you could shop without clothes, Alice.

_Alice:_ Oh, no! I mean the regular kind of shopping, Edward. –glower- don't tell me you wouldn't let me take Bella shopping AT ALL _this whole time _simply because of one little misunderstanding? That's low, Edward. And you'd be surprised what kind of stores you can find in foreign countries. This lovely little place in Africa had a rule that forbid anyone from entering if they were over five feet tall. Poor Jazz had to wait outside.

_Edward: _yes, well, I don't enjoy you taking her away and coming back miserable.

_Blondie: _Was the door to that shop small?

_Alice: _Well, Edward, maybe if you could bare to be separated from her for a few hours, I'm sure we could find someplace that she wouldn't mind going to and then she wouldn't _be _miserable. And that door was perfectly me-sized, if that's what you were asking, Blondie.

_Edward:_ Maybe if you didn't show her outrageous clothes, she could stand it, too.

_Jazz:_ You can take me _shopping_ anytime.

_Blondie:_ I'm five foot two, do you think I would fit? You can take me to the normal shopping. I need help, Alice. Trust me. Possibly more than Bella.

_Agni:_ OMC, I thought Edward was saying that Jazz could take him _shopping _anytime. And then I thought that Jazz was talking to _me_ for a moment! –dies-

_Alice:_ I'm quite assured as to why you call this one –points to Agni- clinically insane. And I'd be happy to take anyone shopping – the normal kind, of course. The other kind is only reserved for Jazz – anytime!

_Blondie:_ -dies-

_Edward:_ sorry, but I don't swing that way.

_Jazz:_ Alice has a bat, you know.

_Agni:_ -frantic look- sorry, guys. I'm tired. My brain doesn't work right when I'm tired and I end up reading things weird. No hard feelings?

_Alice:_ -sharp look at Edward- Let's _hope _you don't swing that way, I've already got one nutcase too many after my precious Jazzykins.

_Agni:_ Jazzykins? …I like it! (:

_Jazz:_ Please, no. Not you too.

_Agni:_ -sings- Jazzykins! Jazzykins!

_Blondie:_ It sounds like a doughnut. And at horse back riding, a small girl was riding Jazz.

_Agni:_ A doughnut? Really? –ponders-

_Alice:_ they _were WHAT?_ That's it! –takes bat and goes off to track down kid- Jazz, come with me!

_Jazz:_ Yes m'am!

_Blondie:_ -headdesk- Alice, get back here. –sigh- it's a _HORSE _and a twelve year-old kid, Alice.

_Edward:_ -chuckles-

_Alice:_ it – oh! Really? Where is this pretty little horsey named Jazz? Can we have him? – not for snacking, I promise! Oh, I've always wanted a pretty pony!

_Blondie:_ -sigh- I'm starting to see Edward's point of view on the annoying bit. I'm sure my barn might miss him. And if I sneak in at night and steal a horse, I might get kicked. Then again, it would be a good way to meet Carlisle… Sure, Al, I'll steal the horse.

_Alice:_ -does victory dance then dons black ski mask- Let operation: Grand theft horsey, commence!


End file.
